I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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