Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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