Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
