he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
