i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
