420 ftw
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
