i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
