so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
