Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
