ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
