when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So many bounce houses so little time
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
