Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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