i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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