Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
