great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
