at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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