I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
