So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone shit on the floor
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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