I must be too annoying 4 u.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
