People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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