Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
