I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
