All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
