party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
