Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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