Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
