nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
