porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
