I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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