So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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