Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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