there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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