Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
