who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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