I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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