True but thats because hes a fetus.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
