bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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