weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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