found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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