i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
