ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
