I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i think i just lost a toe
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
