I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
