I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
