I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
