sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
