whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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