Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
