i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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