I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
