That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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