My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
