My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
