she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
