Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
