So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Michael Bay diarrhea
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
